You know that saying, "Women dress for other women, not for men"? Well, ignoring the blatant heteronormative bias dripping from that image, I was thinking about this the other day and realized that a similar concept could be used to describe the work I do.
I model for photographers and connoisseurs of creative pursuits, not for the average dude wanting to jerk off.
Now, I know, this version is just as rife with stereotype, but hear me out...
I am constantly battling between feeling secure with what I do (knowing that I am genuinely doing work that I want to do, because it makes me happy) and feeling like I'm not providing the content that my audience supposedly wants.
"When are you gonna start posting the good stuff?"
Someone recently asked me this on my OnlyFans. I wish I could explain to you how much this hurts to hear. I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident, but it's not.
What's the good stuff? Well, to this person, and to so many people who follow me, the good stuff is when I'm bouncing on a dildo. When I'm gagging on cock. When I'm convulsing in orgasm.
Or at least that's what I'm inclined to believe.
And what do I think when this comes up? That those things are all I'm good for. That anything I share otherwise, purely as a result of logical reasoning, is not good.
I find it unfortunate that, as someone who wants to succeed in my particular niche of the adult/modeling industry, I'm so heavily persuaded into posting explicit sexual content if I dare put up a paywall. If I'm going to charge for my content it needs to be good enough to pay for. And my content is only good enough if it's something designed to get you off.
Well let me just say right now, I have no intention of being your fantasy. I don't care if you sit there and masturbate while you look at me. That's not the point. That's not why I do what I do.
(No judgement if you do, of course. If my work moves you enough to want to wank then you do you. Just please understand that, to me, that particular outcome is merely a side effect.)
You know what is really satisfying to me? Shapes. Lines. Form. Light and shadow. The anatomy of the human body and the amazing things it can do. Musculature. Flexibility. Strength. When my content showcases these elements it makes me happy in a way I can't accurately put into words. But whatever this feeling is, it translates deeply into other parts of my life as well. It's these same ideas that draw me to shibari. It's the same feelings that draw me to dance and the aerial arts that I practice.
I shoot nudes because I choose to celebrate my body and what it's capable of. It's empowering and freeing. Yes it can be sexually arousing for me at times but doing this work is so much more than that.
Besides my own satisfaction, I create my content to impress others who share my sentiments. My ideal follower is someone who likes my work for the same reasons that I like my work. No hate for those who like my work for other reasons, but as a creator I need to think about my target audience. I need to think about the type of person that I want to attract.
I shoot for photographers. By that I don't just mean that I work with photographers, I mean that I design my content to be appealing to photographers. Even in the work that I shoot solo, I want to present myself as someone who would be a good model. I want to demonstrate that I know my angles and that I know how to work with light.
I shoot for people who appreciate creative growth. I want my viewers to recognize that I've gotten better at what I do. I want to attract people who can honor my work as an expression of myself, and who can understand that it evolves as I do.
If you are into my content just because you want to get your rocks off, again no hate but you aren't in my target audience. If you've clicked through to where I have premium content and you expect porn, you are not in my target audience.
I have premium content because I create so much and I want to create more. I have premium content because I think I'm good at what I do and I think I deserve to earn a profit from all my effort. I have premium content because I like to think that some of my followers genuinely want to support me and I want to reward them for doing so.
The good stuff is already there. I already post the good stuff.
If you don't think so, then my stuff isn't for you.